I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
