I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
