How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
