Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize