My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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