That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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