imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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