I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
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