I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
