If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
