Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
