Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
