Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
When are your genitals available?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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