Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
he just fucked me for my cheese.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
