Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize