Whod you bang
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
