Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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