She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
