and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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