it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
