Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
