Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
