I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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