Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize