I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
