omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
