I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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