why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
