i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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