Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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