yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
