This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
im drinking this country out of the recession.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
