I puked a lego.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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