New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
