I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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