Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
