hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
