She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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