if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
