omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
you made out with another girl for some wings
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
