i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
