best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
