If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize