Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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