omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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