Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
