Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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