i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
