Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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