Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
