my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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