I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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