If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
