I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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