The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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