Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
