I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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