Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
