Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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