He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
