It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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