fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize