i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
