Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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